I didn’t know goodbyes would be so hard. I am very surprised by how difficult and emotional it is, and I didn’t see this coming. I couldn’t wait to go to Slovenia up to this point, but now that it’s here I realize the sacrifices. But realizing that, also makes me realize how much I will need the Lord. I have felt so scattered. I want to feel excited for Slovenia, but I feel sad for what I am going to miss at home. This last week has hit me hard. I love home and its comforts much more than I realized. The comfort of being surrounded with friends and family. This last year I’ve gotten closer to my family. I’ve had the convenience of seeing my nieces and nephew nearly everyday if I want to! Very rarely does a few days go by without seeing them. It nearly breaks my heart to leave them! I’ve also gotten closer to many of my friends here and my relationships have deepened in a lot of ways, and I will be so sad to be away from them! I am excited for Slovenia, and I know God wants me there, but these anxieties are creeping up on me. Am I ready for this? Do I have everything I need? What if I get homesick? What if it’s not all worth it? Needless to say, sleep has been hard to come by this week. But yet when I think about why I feel overwhelmed and fearful, there is a solution that can overcome it all and thwart the plan of the enemy. Jesus. Wherever I go…He will always come. He is the one thing I could never forget or be without. My 89 yr. old Grandma told me before I left. “I’m so glad Jesus always comes with me wherever I go, because I would probably forget Him sometimes. I’m glad He’s going with you to Slovenia.” I am too Grandma! I know He is all I need and I’m glad that in spite of my worries and my focus being distracted from Him, He is going with me. He is the reason I can leave my home, my family, my dear friends and my comforts. I sometimes forget that He is the reason, but that doesn’t mean He will leave me. He is so faithful to me, and I trust Him! I trust Him with my life. He will be my comfort and He will be more than enough. People need to know His name. My time would be spent in vain merely staying in the comforts of my small life. My life was meant for more, and I am excited for this adventure He will take me on this year. I pray He will use me in spite of my weakness and in spite of my flesh. My hope is that He will overcome the fear in me with His perfect love, and that in turn others would understand that He is real and that He is the Savior! He actually is ALL you need, because in the end He is all that matters for every single person. I really need to think about what that means.
25-27 One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple. Anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can’t be my disciple.
28-30 “Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: ‘He started something he couldn’t finish.’31-32 “Or can you imagine a king going into battle against another king without first deciding whether it is possible with his ten thousand troops to face the twenty thousand troops of the other? And if he decides he can’t, won’t he send an emissary and work out a truce?
33 “Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple.
-Written 9/15/12
